Vulnerability has quickly become my favorite superpower. It’s such a powerful tool of ministry, and it takes real courage to tap into. A lot of us breeze through life revealing only the acceptable parts of ourselves in order to distort other people’s perception of us into whatever we’d like to be viewed as. It’s easier said than done to purposefully share a part of yourself that isn’t pretty.
So, after tuning into #ChadLovesMichelle, beyond anything else, I was overcome with extreme gratitude towards both of them, but especially towards Michelle Williams. It took big cahoonas for her to be such an open book despite years of social media hazing (if you wanna act like you forgot, just search #poormichelle on twitter and remind yourself.)
I believe that Michelle Williams chose to go forward with the reality show because she knew that someone needed it, AND SHE WAS RIGHT.
Ten minutes into the show I literally shed one thug tear at how beautiful love can be. Of course, love gets ugly too, which they quickly learn. I left the first two episodes of #ChadLovesMichelle with multiple takeaway points - a rarity for reality television these days.
1.
For a very long time I believed that love is something that just happens. I believed that in order for love to be organic it has to occur spontaneously and unexpectedly. After listening to Chad and Michelle’s story, I realize that the idea of some guy falling from the sky and the two of us living in eternal harmonious infatuation is kind of (extremely) gullible. Michelle and Chad are both Christians, like myself, and have actively prayed for a better half. A lot of Christians do. I’ll admit, in the past, I saw praying for a mate to be extreme, desperate, and hopelessly romantic. But, after watching #ChadLovesMichelle, my perspective did an entire 180 degrees.
In this life, we have to pray and prepare for all of the things that we want, even our own destinies, so why would a partner be any different? Take our careers for example: we pray for the perfect position. We take the necessary measures to fit the mold and meet the qualifications of any career we hope for. Chad and Michelle prayed to find each other, and while they waited on God to deliver, they worked on themselves so that they would be ready to receive each other when the time came. Before they even knew each other they wanted to be the best people possible for one another. That doesn’t make their love any less organic - it does, however, make it more susceptible to last since they walked into it with determination and confirmation from a higher power.
2.
Michelle is doing something extremely brave by allowing Chad to love her in the midst of her battle with depression. (Okay. I have a confession to make. I actually shed two thug tears watching episode one, LOL.) When Chad got down on one knee, Michelle was absolutely over the moon. Shortly after, she checked herself into a mental hospital.
The major life change up ahead chemically overwhelmed Michelle. She wasn’t sad, she was exhausted - but she was aware of how her depression could be perceived. On episode one, she took the time to explain to viewers exactly how she can be excited about her engagement and depressed by it all at once. Michelle’s illness leads to feelings of insufficiency. Depression has a tendency to trick its victims into feeling like a burden, when in reality, loved ones are just trying to be a present help. Feelings of unworthiness are actually what prompted Michelle to remove her ring numerous times. But, #ChadLovesMichelle (see what I did there?), and he sees that she needs to be reaffirmed more than the average woman would due to what she’s up against, so he never allows her to take her ring off.
Michelle’s depression is all new to him, but from what I viewed, Chad genuinely seeks to understand her situation out of love for her. He has his worries - and they’re fair worries. When will the depression resurface? Will we have to deal with this forever? But everything is WE. They actively work at it together. I was really moved by their determination to diminish depression as a dealbreaker. It really moved me to see a black woman in the limelight be so transparent about her depressive episodes. In my own life, when dealing with romantic partners, there’s always a voice in the back of my mind screaming, “Ain’t nobody tryna deal with no chronically depressed bitch!” And what episode one of #ChadLovesMichelle made me realize, is that I’m labeling myself insufficient with thoughts like those. By addressing myself as a burden, I’m taking myself out of the picture before it dries. When someone really loves you and wants to be with you, it’s okay to let them build you up and it’s damaging to make yourself small. It’s self sabotage.
3.
Therapy and emotional intelligence are second to none. Chad and Michelle make it clear that it’s especially important before becoming one united front. There are things that they seem more willing to discuss in an understanding and effective manner when they have an unbiased third party guiding them through to the other side. In many churches, it is a mandate for engaged couples to visit counseling before being wed. I viewed couples therapy as a formality, not as an advantage - until I began watching Chad and Michelle’s process. There are potential issues that their therapist senses and assists them in thwarting before they escalate into larger, crippling problems. A huge one that they have to face, head on, is their racial and cultural differences.
During a visit with their therapist on episode one, Chad mentions a disagreement between them the night prior, where Michelle started yelling in the midst of her frustration. When Chad expressed to her that he doesn’t like to be yelled at, Michelle informed him that louder octaves are “a black people thing” and that he wouldn’t get it since he’s white. Chad retorted by asking if she’d taken her medication. Realizing that they’d both taken it too far, and with advice from their therapist, on episode two Chad and Michelle meet with their friends, another interracial couple, in search of some insight and guidance. Rather than playing ignorant towards their issues, they work to understand one another, to maintain an open mind, and to attain resolve.
I’m so proud (yes, proud. Michelle Williams is everybody’s auntie tf!) that they didn’t edit out or shy away from unpacking their differences. Airing the therapy sessions where they work through their issues shows their viewing public that, in a relationship, nobody gains anything by pretending that problems or differences don’t exist.