What's So Great About "KEISHA"?
In the early stages of our existence, we learn that this thing called life is nothing but a big fat ass ball of unfair. We cannot "skidoo" like Blue into storybooks and picture frames. We cannot "shimbaree shimbarah" to faraway lands like Barney. And, much to my personal dismay, we cannot all be named "Keisha".
While being named "Keisha" may not equate to the joys of singing a jingle and suddenly arriving in an imaginary place to all of us, it has always been a dream of mine to have my name mentioned in a song, a movie, SOMETHING! (Imagine my disappointment when I realized Mystikal was saying "Danger!" and not telling "Desia!" to "get on the floor!") In case you haven't noticed, my dear reader, one contender for Random Black Girl Name That Gets Brought Up The Most is undoubtedly "Keisha".
"Keisha" has seldom, if ever, been shown or sang about as the dork, the flunky, or even the ugly friend. In almost any role, "Keisha" is nearly always the object of affection; an untouchable bad bitch; an emblem of fine women, if you will. What exactly is it about "Keisha" that gets her, not only mentioned, but praised in numerous songs, movies, and TV shows?!
PLEASE follow along as I unpack.
1. "Keisha" in Everybody Hates Chris
In the sitcom Everybody Hates Chris created by Chris Rock and influenced by his own childhood, one huge part of the show involved the crush he had on his next door neighbor. Chris is constantly pulling stunts just to get near her and just to get an ounce of her attention. The poor guy jumped through hoops episode after episode, all in an effort to gain the attention of his uninterested crush, who just so happened to be named (you guessed it), "Keisha".
This lil ass crush lasted for four whole seasons. I can't even get four whole texts back.
2. "Keisha" in Shawty is a 10 by The Dream ft. Fabolous
The Dream basically labels "Keisha" a baddie and a trendsetter. Not only was she "rockin' them stilettos hoppin' up outta that Mercedes Truck", she was also, might I add, the first to do so before Sonya, Tonya, Monique, Neicy, and KeKe who were mentioned after her.
I would also like to take this time to point out that "Keisha" is the only name mentioned in both The Dream's chorus and Fabolous' verse. So her name is heard at least three times throughout the song. Evidently, she is just that important.
3. "Keisha" in D*ckpleaser by Lil Wayne
Here we learn that, beyond her good looks, "Keisha" is also chock full of genuine talent. The myth and the legend Dwayne Carter goes on to describe her as, not just any old…. but a REAL “d*ckpleaser.” (Sidenote: something about editing out the "i" in that word made it feel less explicit, so just roll with it.)
4. "Keisha" in FreakALeak by Petey Pablo
We can flash as far back as a 2004 bop when evaluating the reign of "Keisha". We can also add "freakaleak" to her list of talents. Assuming, of course, that it slightly varies from "a REAL d*ck pleaser.”
5. "Keisha" in Belly
Belly is one of those hood classics that I tried to watch just because the streets told me I'm not black if I haven't seen it. The whole movie is dimly lit and I do not have 20/20 vision. It also looked like it was dipped in Vaseline in my humble opinion but BLESS UP cause so was the leading lady:
Keisha.
In all of her oiled down, trap queen, glory she looked more like a "Desia" to me. But whatever. Idc.
6. "Keisha" in "Keisha" by Jawan Harris ft. Tyga
It simply isn't enough that her name is in every single movie and song already, huh?! Nope. Now we have to create and entitle an entire love song after her image and likeness. Cool. I don't want a song about me if Tyga is on it ANYWAY.
7. "Keisha" in Let's Get Down by Bowwow
(Sidenote: This song is top ten greatest songs of all time. Shout out to the icon, Shad Moss.)
In this song, 16 year old relevant Bowwow raps about the chicks that he has in rotation during his ongoing quest for a girl who is both "more interesting (and) more fun" than the last. The last girl he finds and raps about is likely the most interesting and most fun that he found at the time, or else the song would keep going, right?
That being said, it should come as no surprise to any of my beloved readers that the very last verse is about "this girl named, Keisha". Basically, making "Keisha" the Lebron James of his starting line-up.
8. "Keisha" in Back 2 Sleep Remix by Chris Brown ft. Usher and Zayn
Now this is the last example I'll offer, seeing as how it is one of the most recent and arguably the most relevant. In this radio hit, Chris Brown uses his verse to issue a whole entire apology to his ex-girlfriend, Karrueche Tran. It was far from subliminal, because he literally shouted her name at the end of his verse. An act such as this is the type of humility only a forlorn, desperate, heartbroken man would exhibit. So one must question - if you loved Karrueche so much, what did you think was worth crushing your happy home, Christopher Maurice?! Amongst whatever reasons they had for calling it quits, one thing he clearly notes and apologizes to Karrueche for in Back 2 Sleep Remix is "f*ckin round with Keisha and Makayla".
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT KEISHA (forget Makayla) IS BADDER THAN THIS?!
I could go on and on.
Keisha's Song by Kendrick Lamar.
"Keisha" in Cashin Out by Ca$h Out.
I can't even avoid Keisha in my favorite movie, B.A.P.S., where Keisha was mentioned TWICE.